


Your Hair Was Long When We First Met

by jjtaylor



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 00:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11862654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjtaylor/pseuds/jjtaylor
Summary: Remus and Sirius can't keep secrets from one another. They know each other too well.Title from the Regina Spektor song Sampson.





	Your Hair Was Long When We First Met

_And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the Lords of the Philistines, saying, "Come up this once, for he hath showed me all his heart."_

_And she made him sleep upon her knees, and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him._

_And she said, "The Philistines be upon thee, Samson."_

 

1\. 

Remus was running out of excuses. There were only so many more months where some member of his family could be ill enough for him to be called home before it made sense that someone would actually die. And there were only so many times he could fake a ruptured liver or a split rib that would require several days in the hospital wing. Sirius had been asking increasingly specific questions, like why, if Madam Pomfrey could grow bones back overnight, could she not fix his liver.

"You don't even know where your own liver is," James scolded Sirius from across the room, and slammed his Charms textbook shut for emphasis.

"I do so," Sirius protested. Remus coughed from where he was reclining behind his bed curtains. "I do," Sirius repeated, yanking open the curtains, revealing Remus' quickly hidden grin. Sirius turned and paraded in front of James' bed. "It's right here," he said, pointing somewhere in the vicinity of his throat.

Peter came over and jumped onto James' bed, finishing buttoning up his pajama shirt. "It's just under your ribs," he pointed out.

"Don't show off just because you're taking Muggle Studies," Sirius accused.

"Now you hold on," Remus said. "Our internal organs are not something we learn about only in Muggle Studies. Muggles and wizards alike have livers."

"They're not where our magic comes from?" Sirius said. James began to laugh hysterically. Remus was trying hard to keep a straight face.

"No, Sirius," he said. "They clean your blood."

"They do?" Peter said, revealing the limit of his liver knowledge had been about where they were located.

"Ah, so you don't know everything!" Sirius said.

"So, when we have liver and onions for supper...." Peter stopped.

"You're eating the thing that cleans the animal's blood," Remus completed.

All four of them looked slightly disgusted. 

"Right, so who wants to sneak out tonight?" James asked.

"I'll come if you're really going. Do I have time to finish my Potions essay first?" Sirius asked.

"We'll go after midnight," James said. "Peter?"

"I'll come!" Peter agreed.

"What about you, Remus?"

"I'm worn out," Remus offered.

"Your liver. Right," Sirius said, almost inaudible. 

Remus immediately began thinking up a new excuse.

 

That night, Sirius crawled into Remus' bed and kissed him. Sirius' face was cold from the outdoors and the smell of the crisp air seemed to cling to his skin. 

"You ought to be more careful," Remus said, breaking the kiss. "Some night I'm going to think you're someone breaking in."

"How ridiculous is that? Someone breaking into your bed."

"How ridiculous is thinking the liver is where magic comes from?"

Sirius grinned, and kissed him again, wrestling him down on the bed. Remus winced. Sirius relented, apologizing, and looked concerned.

"Really, Remus, what's wrong with you?" Sirius asked. "You're so weak sometimes."

"I'm fine, really. It's just - "

"You've been sick."

"Right."

"And last month, when you were gone in the middle of the week - "

"Home to visit my mother."

"Right." But Sirius trailed off the questioning and nuzzled at Remus' neck.

"I love you," Remus whispered; they'd only said it a couple of times and it still stole his breath.

"How can you say 'I love you' when you're keeping this giant secret from me? I know there's something you're hiding."

"Everyone has secrets, Sirius." 

"Not secrets like this. Tell me why you're sick certain times and fine the rest. Why you disappear at the weirdest times. Why you won't tell your best mates?"

Remus was tired having this conversation over and over. It seemed so reasonable just to tell the truth this time. So easy just to let go, to give in to the inevitable.

Remus practiced saying it in his head so many times that it sounded like nonsense. Finally, he spoke. "I'm a werewolf."

"I knew it!" Sirius said, and clapped Remus' shoulders. Remus was shocked.

"Don't tell anyone," he said quickly.

"Anyone except James and Peter, right?"

"Sirius."

"James already worked it out! It was either this or some strange familial blood rite."

"A what?"

"Ok, that was my idea. This is amazing, Remus."

"It's not all fun and games. I'm a monster."

"No, you're not. You're Remus." Sirius had this way of making things true by saying them.

"Promise you won't tell anyone else. Only you and James and Peter can know. It's the only way I'll be safe." 

"I promise," Sirius said, and then kissed him such enthusiasm it was impossible not to take Sirius at his word.

 

2.

Remus was running out of patience. There were only so many times he could pretend Sirius' slights weren't painful. They would hardly talk for days, have loud, rough sex at night, and then fall asleep as far away from each other in the bed as possible. It wasn't just with Sirius, though, which was not by any means reassuring. None of his friends were acting normal and it was getting harder and harder to pretend that everything was fine. 

James and Peter had come over for tea after an Order meeting. It was the first time in weeks Remus and Sirius had sat in the same room and just talked.

"Been ages since I've seen you, Peter," Remus said.

"Work's been busy," Peter answered, sounding weary. He rubbed a hand over his face, a gesture Remus remembered from late nights studying.

"How's Harry?" Remus asked James, and he could have been mistaken, but he thought he saw him startle.

"Oh, fine, fine. Not quite sleeping through the night yet." James said. He had dark circles under his eyes that seemed to prove it. "How 'bout you, Remus? Sirius mentioned something about your game of high-stakes Exploding Snap."

Remus had forgotten about that game. He and Sirius took turns telling the story, crafting it to seem as though their one-time solution to an argument over who would wash the dishes had become an ongoing thing.

From James' question, it seemed Sirius hadn't said anything about the way they'd been fighting, and Remus could tell Sirius was wondering the same thing about what Remus had said to Peter. It was terribly confusing to remember how he and Sirius were supposed to be around others, and Remus was finding it hard to remember what he was supposed to be keeping secret from whom. 

James and then Peter had taken their leave after a few hours, and Remus was about to ask if he was up for a game of Exploding Snap when Sirius got up from the table without a word and went into the other room. Remus did not follow.

 

A few weeks later, Sirius came home past midnight, shaking his coat free from rain and hanging it on the hook. Remus was waiting up for him in the kitchen, sipping tea that had long since gone cold and pretending to page through a book.

"So it's done – they're safe?" Remus asked when Sirius did not speak.

"They're safe."

"It's odd for them to just – have to disappear like this. I didn't even get to say goodbye."

Sirius gave him a strange look. "We'll see them soon. Once this is all over."

"I hope it's over soon." Remus stood and put a hand in Sirius' hair; he felt the slightest flinch, and then Sirius relaxed into his touch. "Your hair's getting long. Almost as long as first-year at Hogwarts. Remember that? I thought you were a girl." Sirius laughed but it wasn't as full as usual. "You should let me cut it."

"Maybe," Sirius said. 

They were quiet. Remus put his cup into the sink.

"Who's the secret keeper?"

"I can't tell you," Sirius said, annoyed, warning Remus not to push.

"Of course you can tell me, Sirius. Come on, who is it?"

There was a long silence. Sirius stood up, looked Remus in the eye, and said, "It's me."

"Of course," Remus said. It seemed so easy to believe.

**Author's Note:**

> Posting from the dusty LJ archives: written 10/19/2004


End file.
